Bella's Death
by taciturnsblood
Summary: cliff jumping, no visions, no jacob and definitely no edward.HMMM.
1. Chapter 1

**bella's point of view written by me. lol. i killed her here. she died just like that.**

* * *

lovely isn't it?  
serenity..  
reserved..  
these are one of the good things bout "death"...yes  
it really feels good  
it slowly creeps  
it sneaks...very deliberate  
cold. clammy. damp  
its good even though its unpleasant  
the coldness coming from my toes...upward  
the shiver that ripples through the skin  
excitement floods through me  
really really lovely  
spontaneous

i wish you here beside me  
so you can see me  
the works you have done  
the streaks of your deadly words  
it slashed through my whole  
leaving me nothing...  
nothing but emptiness

yes..yes..its a cliche  
same old story  
boy hurts and leaves the girl  
stupid girl cries..then die..

stupidity...

i know you know that Ive been good  
i love you  
all about you  
even your stabbing annoying words that day  
that clearly shows your hate to me

but tell me  
do i really deserve this?  
the throe...the emotions that slowly crumbles in me..

i perfectly know that this is it...  
the conclusion....  
the ultimate extent..  
the end of all my grief

yes, i did mourn  
when you left me..  
its like...you've killed half of me  
and now, I'm finishing the other half  
so i can be whole again...

did you see that???  
of course you didn't see that when you left me  
i think you thought that i would live a miserable life  
i must admit, yes, i did live a miserable life..barely  
but I'm dying with satisfaction..  
contented and very willing..

suicide it not that bad.  
crazy yes.  
but it has its own benefits  
it helps my problem with the whole half-thing...  
it eased my emotional distress  
and it terminates the life or existence of the sufferer...

now, no one will bother me now  
and that's the best part of all this madness  
i have waited for this moment..

the stillness...  
it calms me...

* * *

review pls.=]


	2. Chapter 2

**just nevermind. i'm new to this.**

I didn't stop think. I didn't stop at all. After he left, and I'm damn sure that he's not coming back, I ran. I just ran.

Pain. Confusion. Hurt. Anger. Self pity and more pain.

I stumbled. I fell. I got hit, slashed and whipped by branches that I ran too. But I didn't stop, I didn't even flinched. I didn't turn my head back. I didn't look back. I just kept on running and running and running.

I want to cry and scream, I want to shout till I drop dead, but I didn't. I just couldn't. I just wanted to run from all of this.

The confusion.

The pain.

The sadness.

The fear of reality that he's never coming back. Ever.

I saw the trees around me thin. My feet starts to hurt from running. The warmth of the earth is gone. I felt the hard and cold surface of the rocks on my feet. It makes me stop and remember him again.

Kisseshugsbreathvoicecoldnessdangerstonegonealicejasperbloodpapercut. All.

Then I saw the ocean before me. Ahhhh, cold and dangerous, how dramatic. I slowly walked towards the welcoming sea.

But then I stopped as my eyes suddenly became blurry.

As my eyes roamed the sea, as the wind whipped my face, as the air ruffled my hair and the salty smell of the water assaults my nose.

I cried. I shouted. My pain, my anguish, my ire, the disarrayed thoughts and the self-pity.

All of it.

He promised that he won't leave me. No matter what. But then again I remembered his words back then, yes, he did promise me that he won't leave me but he also said that it might change IF it's for the best.

Bullshit.

He's the best thing that has ever happen to me even though hell knows were both different like water and blood. I told him I need him. I told him wherever he goes that's the best for me as long as I'm with him. The only best. I told him I don't care about my soul. Anyone can. He can have it. He can have it all. As long as he'll stay forever.

All of me. I'll give him all.

Anything.

I pleaded.

I shouted.

I cried.

I reasoned him out.

But then he said he didn't want me.

"_I don't want you to come with me."_

"_I'm tired of pretending to be something I'm not, Bella."_

"_You're not good for me, Bella."_

Bella. Bella. Bella. Tired. He gave up.

I swallowed hard as though air is not enough to keep me breathing. But its damn true, air is not enough. I need him to breath. After all those promises, kisses, promises, smile and more promises, he said _he didn't want me_.

I kept thinking and thinking. He's lying.

I gave him my life. My all.

He said all of those words that almost killed me while looking at me with those golden eyes that I loved the most.

My mind went blank. Then self pity kicked in. All those wondering and thinking about how that beautiful creature came to love me came rushing through my head too fast it hurts.

Maybe its just the blood.

Maybe he's bored.

Maybe he found someone else.

Or maybe…maybe he realized that… _me, we,_ is a big mistake to him. That's right. Maybe he did realize it.

But why now? After all we've been through. Why now?

No reasons came across my mind. My whole body became numb and I can't feel anything below my neck.

I can't stop thinking about the time when he uttered those words, because as my head starts to rewind all of that painful memories my heart stops beating and I started to hyperventilate over and over again.

As I remember all the words that he said, he asked me to make a promise that I think won't happen after all of this.

"_Please don't do anything reckless or stupid."_

What?

"_Take care of __Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself—for him.__"_

I remembered to nod. I know I'm a bad liar but why didn't he see it.

Then I remember those words that made my heart stopped. Well, it did stopped, literally.

_"I promise that this will be the last time__ you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed."_

Then it hit me.

Alice.

I won't see Alice again.

Any of them.

A clean break.

"_A clean break_. _It will heal more easily, more quickly_."

My head starts to ache very hard it hurts really bad as I saw before me the flashes of Edward stepping back away from me saying goodbye and turning to leave. The way I shouted to him pleading but clearly, he already made up his mind about leaving me.

I saw myself ran to him hopping that by that, by me close to him this nightmare will stop. But no, he stopped me and kissed my head goodbye then he's gone. Just like that.

Love, life…..over.

Rain started to fall.

The water from the sky mixed with the now dried tears on my face.

I already stopped crying and yelling.

That's when I notice the sea and its offer is very VERY tempting.

Calmness, stillness, numbness, serenity, reserved.

Complete silence complete peacefulness.

I stepped forward. Slowly. Then my feet started to step faster.

I sighed.

Maybe my own body is pitying me too. It wanted to help me so badly too. It wanted it to stopped too.

My pain. My all.

My feet stopped as it feels the edge of the cliff and then I looked down.

I saw the rain fall down helplessly and the sea welcomed it with open arms.

I smiled.

I remembered my promise. This. This is how to break a promise. He wants me to be human.

So be it.

I jumped. I jumped with my arms open wide and feet first.

Then it hit me. No, I hit the water with a splashed.

The coldness, the wetness.

The water is good even though its unpleasant. The coldness coming from my toes. Upward, numbing me more than I am numb before. The shiver that ripples through the skin makes my excitement floods through me. Happiness. It made the whole dying thing pretty bearable.

The sea welcomed me with promises that I know will not be broken.

Slowly the gravity of the earth is pulling me down, memories of him came flashing through my mind.

Gold, black, bronze, Clair de Lune, Port Angeles, Volvo, white house, Alice, Emmet, hospital, truck, Charlie, window, piano, jasper, blood, James, bite, then pain, pain, pain.

As the water slowly pulls me down to calmness, I heard someone shouting. _"Fight Bella, fight. You promised!!"_

Its him. Its his voice.

I smiled but then I began to panic. What the hell was that? I wanted to hear it again. But then the black water is pulling me down so hard. I forgot to breath properly My clothes is soaking wet and its pulling me down faster.

I was so preoccupied by my worries, flashbacks, emotions and all I didn't notice the abyss of the sea below me.

This was part of the bargain. Part of the promise.

The sea was rocking me back and forth. I slammed to the rocks and I felt my air blew out of my lungs. Panic made my body froze and I began to sink.

But a thought came to my mind and looked up and I saw something.

Red. Orange? White. Human? Vampire…

My arms began flapping and my feet began kicking hard. But it was no use. Fatigue is eating me alive. And I'm exhausted after all the running. And the excitement. The crying. The shouting.

_"Fight!" he yelled. "Damn it, Bella, keep fighting."_

I heard it again. I smiled. I feel stupid. But I still smiled.

_Why?_

I don't want to fight anymore. Im happy its over now. Before all of this cliff jumping. When he kissed my head back in the forest. No, when he said he didn't want me anymore, I know its over and im already dead. So, ..

_Why?_

I wish you could see me right now, I want you to see me right now dying with nothing but a broken promise. I want you to see your work. I want you to see me dying empty.

I closed my eyes and I stopped fighting, grasping for air, its helpless anyway.

I saw his face. It was so clear and defined I almost thought he's infront of me. But the sea kept me from thinking that. My head stored Edward in a detail even the most expensive camera can't compare. I saved this detail to this moment.

His eyes, the shape of his lips, his jaw and if he saw me like this way back before, his eyes…his golden eyes would be glinting in fierce, angry. His teeth were clenched and nostrils flare with rage because I'm giving up.

I wanted to laugh but as the water slammed me at the rocks once more and I felt my lungs burn and my whole body didn't feel a thing I can't.

_Goodbye, I love you_.

Was on my last thought because I know now, I was going to die.

I can feel it. Even though I'm numb.

But then something hit me again. I felt something.

Then I screamed.

Then there was nothing.

………

"what the hell are you doing?" I can't help but smiled. This kid is really something.

"mom, can you please leave me alone? I'm doing my homework. My job. Remember" she said. Not looking up.

I ruffled her hair and walk away.

"im not going to cook. Ill just order some pizza. Is that ok?" I asked her.

"whatever mom, just go away. I promise, ill eat with you when this is over." She looked and smiled at me. Teasing.

"haha, very funny Nessie." Shaking my head. Walking. She always tease me when food was the subject.


End file.
